Through rigorous research, trial and error, I have come to a reliable solution to the problem of sleeping over with a hookup and having to take a shit while you’re there. This problem is inevitable. You probably just went out to eat and/or had some drinks, maybe some ill-advised drunken snacks like cup-o-noodles at 4am. But you just met this person so if you’re anything like me, you’re trying to keep the full magnitude of your foul bachelorbachelorette frogness under wraps.

I strongly advise against the common practice of holding it all night and then trying to look relaxed at breakfast the next day.

I would think my solution would be obvious but a lot of people were highly impressed with it. I could tell because they raised their eyebrows and their faces twisted with what looked like envy.

What you do is, you shit in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping. Of course! And depending on the age and lifestyle of your hookup and his or her housemates, this could be any time. Some houses’ prime time is 2am. Others it’s 7am. Basically whenever everyone’s sleeping and the house has that dark eery glow of emptiness.

foul bachelor