Nephew (age 10): Hey mom, will you spray whipped cream straight into my mouth?

Sister: No.

Nephew: Awww, but I Never get to do that! Not even at Parties!!!!

 

Road sign: “Area ahead”

Boyfriend: “Are we not in an area right now?”

 

Boyfriend: I was gonna drink some more, but I got high

(this quote inspired me to write some new lyrics to that song “Because I got High” by Afroman):

I was gonna drink some more, but I got high
Was gonna go out and buy a whore, but I got high
Instead I’m gonna cook some dinner and I know why
Yeahhh ’cause I got high, ’cause I got high, ’cause I got high

I was gonna rob the bank, but I got high
Was gonna kill this guy named Frank, but I got high
Instead I’m gonna watch cartoons and I know why
Yeahhh ’cause I got high, ’cause I got high, ’cause I got high

Thankyou, thankyou

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